So. much. coffee.
Week one of self isolation was a dream. I was living my best life. Still working, still making money, all from home, of course. I didn't have to see people, I got to stay at home with my sweet baby, and do all of the stay at home mom things I have always dreamt of. Just ask my husband, I was thrilled. I have always joked with him I have slight case of agoraphobia, when in reality I'm just a proud introvert, but now I was finally able to embrace my agoraphobia being an introvert. The house was clean, I was working when I could, super mom activities with Erica, fresh pies...what? It was definitely the honeymoon phase of the rona, which ended very quickly.
Week two. Shit started to get real. Stock market continues to plummet, clients back out of big deals (rightfully so), stay at home orders, home school starts, more and more cases of Covid-19 in our small little town, all of the cakes and pies I had been eating started to take a toll on me, and depression starts to show it's ugly head. My sweet baby was now starting to be my bossy baby and I was running out of activities to keep her busy. Luckily, there was a piece of candy stuck to the door jam that she would spend her time licking. Yes, the candy is still there. No, I do not know what it is, how it got there, or how long it has been there. No, I will not be cleaning it off any time soon.
Instead of drinking one cup of coffee in the morning, I am drinking coffee in the morning, coffee at lunch time, and all of the half drank coffee cups around the house turn into iced coffee in the afternoon. I didn't get it, why am I so tired? I'm barely working, I'm getting plenty of Bravo time, plenty of sleep, so what's the deal? With the help of countless Facebook memes I started to realize what I'm doing, what we are all doing, trying to and keep our families happy, keep our bills paid, and keep ourselves from staying in bed and sleeping all day because the world is ending (or at least that is what my husband keeps saying), is fucking exhausting and is far more stressful than any real estate transaction could possibly be. The mental load of the unknown, relentless children, the impact of not seeing your loved ones, and worrying about the future is a stress that I'm not used to.
Week three. With all of the stresses and tribulations that the rona brings it also brings waves of gratitude and that is what I am focussing on this week. The opportunity to stay at home with my family, to share homemade dinners together every night most nights. To fall involve with my husband again, and to watch my kids bond in a way they would have never before fills my heart so much more than I ever knew could.
Yesterday, I embraced the worry, grief and stress and gave myself a day to give up. Today is a new day, and today I am trying again. Fuck you rona, everything will be okay, even if my eyes well up with tears when I say it.
Stay well friends. We are all in this together.
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